Telling home

Homes

We were at one of America’s most overpriced, pseudo-local, coffee joints when it happened. All I did was ask about her summer and time in South Africa.

She took a deep breath and was still before the furry. She leaned forward a tad and a little wrinkle formed between her eyebrows as she navigated past today’s events and last week’s drama. She looked down for a moment, grasping for a way to wrap words around incomprehensible experiences. Her eyes darted from memories of milli-pop to Mammas, from textbook to touch, from baboons to billboards, but finally, they left her left hemisphere and landed on her palms.

She shot up with eyes burrowing through her hands, “Look! Look here!”, she turned her palms toward me, “Do you see these hands?” she pressed in with sharp eyes, “Do you see these hands!?” she insisted!

“Who do we know here in the US who’s hands have literally touched every element of their house? Who’s so ingenious that they were walking along the road one day, saw a piece of tarp or a scrap metal and thought ‘Hey, that would be perfect for that hole in the bottom corner where that rat keeps coming in!’ so they picked it up and kept walking. Or who do we know that is so clever, compassionate, and connected in their community that they see something else and think, ‘Oh, that’s exactly what my neighbor has been looking for! I’ll take that to them tonight!’ so they toss it over their shoulder and keep walking. Who do we know whose hands have literally touched every element of their house? Who’s paired their own sweat and sacrifice with honest need and interdependence to lay the physical foundation of their house? Who do we know like that?”

Her eyes softened and shoulders began to round, “Its beautiful,” her voice now delicate and tender. “The attention to detail, the dedication, the creativity and industriousness to build a house from everyday items. Its so resourceful and clever! It’s beautiful!!” But then there was a pause and suddenly her eyebrows went from soaring above her smiling cheeks to swooping low and nipping at the pointed words to come. “And its horrific,” a fire blazed from her lips, “that a person must construct their house out of scraps that clutter along the highway!” Her palms became fists, “And it’s horrific that while World Cup stadiums and world class accommodations are being built ten miles down the road, that a Mamma and Dada can be found bent over, scrounging through heaps of crap to build their home…” The fire stilled and her head bowed. Was it shame? Was is confusion? Was it sympathy that lowered this head of steam?

But her eyes met mine once more and she continued, “But here’s the thing.” She leaned in, “Here in the US we have houses. Ohhhhhhh we have houses! Everyone has a house,” bouncing her head back and forth, “We have big ones, little ones, cute ones, fun ones” practically mocking her statements at this point “everyone has a house,” she said and tacked a strong period at the end.

A slight pause allowed time for a softened demeanor again, “But in South Africa,” she gently raised her left hand and spoke warmly, “they have homes.” Her palms open before her, “They might not have houses, but they have homes. And you know it when you walk in and are wrapped up in a big hug and greeted by everyone on the street.” She looked around, “You might not see an oven or even a countertop, but you know as soon as you pass through that doorway you’re home.” Her voice trailed off at the end as she faded back into her seat and there she sat, drifting back into the terrible beauty of a land so dear.

Her living room in America

her kitchen

----------

our Kitchen in Khayelitsha

Living room

our homes

Clanwilliam Excerpt- draft 1P

So, I'm having trouble deciding what to write, how to write it, etc etc etc. So for now, I'll post an excerpt from an idea and style I was playing with during our 2nd week in SA.

Below you will find a short clip and a series of pictures, followed by an excerpt from mini-story. The mini-story was written one night in Clanwilliam, but the visuals were taken sporadically during my time there :] I didn't take the pictures to match the story, but a few do, so I thought it might be nice to look around a little before going deeper into the setting & scratching at the interior.

River Journaling: location 1

excerpt 2, draft 1

Excerpt from "Clanwilliam"

Water dances for Light’s adoration. It jumps & shifts to the sun’s applause. my toes flirt with the current. My head called upward by the baboons’ barks just past my vision. I am without a shirt and earlier I was without pants; water has a way of calming my insecurities and heightening my need for adventure.

The baboon is closer now, but I dare not get up, my patience will lure it to me. I am not the only curious creature along this riverbed.

When the sun was higher & I decided to walk the river instead of cross it, a fish came at me and shutter a shrill leapt out of my body! What gringos we giggled! Our bare toes squeezed the sand beneath our feet and our thighs prickled from the chill. Suddenly a rock came up to snatch at my leg, but it only got a bit of my shin. Silly rock :] We’d come from hiking the sacred San grounds. We scrambled up kloofs and wedged between rocks to find art from 150,000+ years ago. To find stories of treks, of birth, of killing & eating, or sex & playing, of animals & children. Each shape had been on purpose, but the seasons turned them into mere glimpses. Half remained under a crevasse, I imagine my mom would have painted these had she lived here, they were like kloof dwelling wallpaper.

The water makes way for my feet and changes its course, all the while… dancing, descending, demonstrating its majesty.

We were standing at the bank, plotting our route across. We were standing at the bank, begging the water to invite us in. It noticed and motioned us up the river. It delighted and wrapped refreshing bands of clarity around our legs, but only for a moment. we were on our own way home and didn’t remain for long. It kept tickling us. we giggled uncontrollably!

We emerged from the water’s embrace with puffed chests and childlike grins. In our skivvies. our feet triumphantly marched back to camp. Cheyenne and I were home two hours ago.

Ubuntu Documentary: part 3

Last night the team got together for a Documentary Screening party and it was so much fun! For the most part, this was the first time I'd seen everyone since I was a little ball of tears at the Joburg airport in July, so it was so much fun to see people, hang out, catch up, and watch the short documentaries we recently completed.

Originally, we had "three days" (aka 1.5) to brainstorm, storyboard, interview, shoot, edit, polish, and complete the documentary while in Cape Town. This is an insane request, especially when each group of five students only had one camera and one computer for editing! Needless to say, we were all on edge and INCREDIBLY STRESSED. Honestly, those 2 days were more stressful than all three years of finals combined. We knew the documentaries had to be quality because we received grants and funding from national sources, our directors reputations would be affected by what we produced, from a content standpoint they had amazing potential, and because these would be plastered all over different parts of Arizona State's website. But, in our ridiculously stressed attempts to create something worthwhile we were running around with our heads cut off, forsaking the very essence of Ubuntu, the topic of our documentaries. Luckily, our directors realized this, called a meeting the night before they're due (which was our 2nd to last night in South Africa), and we all listened to each other's concerns.

I had been all over the Western Cape shooting footage that day, didn't even make it back in time for dinner, and was not happy they called a meeting because it was stealing precious time I desperately needed if we were going to start and finish this film in the next 16 hours.

to complete our documentary I was not happy they were cutting into my time. Out of no where I started crying because I saw myself putting the completion of this task over maintaining great relationships and saying goodbye to South Africa in a meaningful way. ...

Our directors ended up extending our deadline, at the expense of their professional reputation with the foundations that sponsored the projects. This was merely another show of their great compassion and belief in living a whole hearted, connected life above all else.

A (singular) result of our time focusing on understanding, dialogues, transitional justice, ubuntu, and the beauty of South Africa were a series of three documentaries, each with a slightly different slant:

Creative- looked to use symbolic and artistic elements to portray ubuntu
Educational- looked to summarize and explain ubuntu

Difficult Dialogues- looked to capture and showcase the charged and sensative discussions between races, ethnic groups, sexes, cultures, and ages in Cape Town

Below you will find the one I helped create:

This is a short documentary that looks into the meaning of Ubuntu.

Created by five undergraduate students during a summer program in South Africa and funded by grants from the Ford Foundation and Arizona State University's The Center for the Study of Religion and Conflict, this is one clip from a three part series.

Body: explore & engage

another journal entry

20 July 2010

I've decided that living a supernatural lifestyle is a must. People are looking for the supernatural and to experience what they learn in the Bible. But the church is falling dreadfully short. We, the Body, are not living out our God-given identities which is a huge problem because God longs for us to know and love Him, experience our lives and identities the way we were designed to, and then to be a conduit to bring Heaven (and all that it encompasses) to Earth- this includes the supernatural. As I sit here in Africa and write, I'm reflecting on how how visible and accessible the spiritual realm is here.

For instance, many people in the black community are either familiar with or participants in "traditional healers'" ceremonies and practices. These practices do involve the spiritual realm and people do have encounters with spirits, etc... however, the motivation and result of this is fear. Fear of their ancestors interfering with their lives if ignored. Fear of man... fear of... fear of... fear of... The intentions are typically good, like a mother might become a visit a magic man to protect and help her daughter do well in University. This is common because culturally it is accepted and expected. Plus, more than likely they've seen "bad things" happen to people who haven't performed the ritual, or paid the shaman, etc. The problem expands when you learn that most of these people also identify as Christians. So they pray to God, believe in Christ, and still find it necessary to call upon their ancestors and contact the deceased for protection and security.

When the Body ceases to operate in our identities as children of the Most High and does not move out a place of love and belief in God's promises, then we leave ourselves and everyone around us empty handed and searching for the power & authority that we, as believers, have access to and should be operating in, but aren't.

Besides, if someone has witnessed the "psuedo"-power of a demonic presence, but has never experienced the power of God, then of course that person is going to believe more in the traditional healers powers because their is evidence of their teachings by how the spiritual realm is being accessed and demonstrated. Yet, it is deceptive and filled with fear, shame, and destruction.

How great would it be if the Body began to operate in her God-given authority to teach and demonstrate the Kingdom of God with the supplement of signs and wonders! To release love, gentleness, and compassion... to escort in the King's divine breakthroughs by fully utilizing the resources we have available to us as sons and daughters of the King. There is not a problem on Earth that God does not have the answers to or resources for, so why aren't we asking, declaring, and proclaiming? God is in a good mood. Granted, this doesn't mean suffering or illness will cease, but it does mean believers are going to have to take risks and truly explore and engage who they are if Heaven is to be found on Earth.

It is a natural phenomenon that what we believe will determine how we behave. So, if I believe that God wants to heal people, wants to set the captives free, wants to shower love on all His creation... then I too will want to do these things. My belief in God and His power and goodness motivates my behaviors. I do not wish to trap God in a box because of my fear, failures, inexperience, or uncertainties. I truly believe God is mighty to save, has made a way through Jesus for us to be reconciled, and that He longs for us to experience His presence, love, and will for our lives. Therefore, I desire to be an active and sensitive ambassador for God through my speech, actions, purity, and life. Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven is not some far off phrase that I ritualistically repeat... it is an actual way of being as lead by the Holy Spirit!

feel it, you are here

Hello from the land of infinite toilet paper in public restrooms and buildings with indoor temperature control! lol, I have safely returned to the US and am trying to "be where I am" like I did in SA, but I'm not so certain that this is where I want to be right now. Oh well, I'll chalk it up to the re-entry process.

Okay, so I have a whole bunch of entries I want to post on here, but I can't decide if there is an order with which I should proceed (like chronological, or topically, or by style) or if should do a random smattering since they will all be 100% raw entries anyway. As of right now, I'm going to use the random smattering idea, but use chronology as a dim guide. Then, once I revisit them, I'll work them into a larger, cohesive unit.

Unfortunately I don't have pictures from the exact places/moments that I tell stories, but hopefully this will give you a snapshot of the places I reference.

Our Chariot

held building anticipation & really funny stories for 18 hours

Welcome World

mural near Green Market in Cape Town, next to it was the World Cup bracket

Found Object Homes drawing

Some days I wasn't able to write, so I jumped back into my 5th grade self and took up doodling stories that words wouldn't meet, yet

Site B Homes

I took this picture through the back window of Dada's car before he dropped me off @ EduCare for one of my internships. note the sticker

I'd been in the country for no more than 90 minutes and I'd already plummeted from my initial state of giddy anticipation. We'd de-planed, ceremoniously took our first big breath of South African air, collected our baggage (minus 1), met out directors, and loaded the van when it happened. I was riding on the left hand side as we zoomed toward Hillcrest, the bed and breakfast we'd call home for our first 5 days, when I saw informal my first "informal settlement". It went my window, road, grassy patch with cows grazing + boy with stick, graffitied concrete wall, then what seemed like a zillion unfit, shanty structures that I wouldn't call houses, but that I knew were homes. A titled pole would prick the flat-roofed horizon and from it a web of tangled, electric nightmare would droop down to the homes.

It seemed like this scene had been put on "loop" outside my window because it went on kilometer after kilometer. The only reason I knew it was real was when I would catch a goal celebration from a boy playing soccer in a small patch of space between the highway and the graffitied wall, or when I'd see a lanky black dude or thick Mamma walking alongside the highway on a narrow, well beaten path.

My eyes and heart had nearly reached their max when this scene was abruptly interrupted by a squad of blue flashing police lights escorting a FIFA tour bus on the other side of the median. "Ja, we tried to get you guys one of those!" our crazy haired, mysterious co-director laughed. The radio was faintly audible in the background and I heard the announcer proclaim, "FEEL IT! IT IS HERE!!!" with regards to the much anticipated World Cup the country was hosting.

My head returned left and made my eyes look again... "Feel it," my heart said, "we are here..." as if it knew something I didn't.

:/ :] :D

This has been a very rich and restful week for me :] I was able to attend some AIA planning meetings (which sparked some great ideas that I'm excited to share with our ASU AIA leaders), I took some awesome naps (which were non-existent the past 6-7 weeks), and I was also able to process through a few of the experiences I've had here through writing and drawing! But more importantly, the staff member here let me go where she went, so I got to sit on in some ministry time, meet her friends, relax at her house, etc. I feel very privileged to have gotten the opportunity to spend so much time with her.

I am incredibly grateful for this trip and the ways it has challenged, changed, and strengthened me and my walk with the Lord. I will be processing it for a long long time (and probably posting these things on here, so check back often! especially bc pics and such are still to come)!

I'm about 15 minutes away from heading to the Joburg airport to reluctantly+excitedly hop on a plane and return to Indiana with a pitstop in JFK for a few hours. After a bit of time in IND, I'll set out on an epic roadtrip back to AZ with one of my closest sisters :D


A few requests to you folks in the States:
1. If possible, please remember that when you ask me, "How was South Africa?" I will not be able to answer you fully. However, I would adore the chance to share with you, so just let me know to what depth you'd like me to go. Based on time given to respond, I'm brainstorming some of the most powerful experiences I've had to give you a vibrant and quick response to your colossal question, so let's have a fun time SHARING stories from our summer. I want to hear about how YOU are doing and what's new with YOU, too. :D

2. When ladies go abroad they usually gain weight... I am no exception. Culturally, its rude to refuse food or leave food on your plate, even when they serve for you and give you 8billion times more than will fit your stomach... you just make room. My diet here has been mainly starches, sugar, & carbs; while everything I've had here has been delicious, the meals have not been as nutritionally balanced or diverse as I am accustomed to, thus please be kind. I might have picked up a tinge of what some would call an "African body" hahaha jk ;] I'll be working out and eating better upon my return, so please be nice in the interim.
The upside? --> i have some lekker recipes to make when I get backkkkK!

3. I'd like to have a get together for all you who are reading this and for those of you who would like to hear, taste, and see more about my trip! Just a heads up Indiana and Tempe, I'll let you know more about time & place as soon as I find a place and can set a time :] its going to be so much FUN

4. Make sure you hug at least 3 people today.

5. Thanks for reading my posts and brace yourself for the stories and entries to come!!!

Joburg

I made it safely to Joburg and am enjoying the distinct pleasure of staying with a US AIA staff member who is currently serving in South Africa. Yesterday was my first full day here and after swapping a few stories the observation was made that I haven't spent much time with white people. I chuckled because its true, I really haven't spent much time with white people! Luckily, this last leg of my stay in South Africa will allow me the wonderful opportunity to live with and function inside a white, South African community.



I took plenty of pictures in Cape Town and will be posting and blogging related stories once I return to the States. God truly has answered our/my prayers in an abundant ways and I am excited to share these stories with you.

As for now, I had a journal entry from 15 June 2010 to share with you, but I decided that for the time being it is too long and that I don't have the time to write an intro/explanation for it, so I'll get to it when I get back to the States. Currently, I am working on a series of short stories

:]

commitment

Wow. the past three weeks have been CRAZY. INTENSE.

Each person has a story and when traveling to/in/through/around so many of them it makes for a marvelously rich and vibrant engagement of the heart and head. Since I last wrote I have been in the Townships to Diep River to Swellendam with the youth to Port Elizabeth and finally back to Cape Town.

Narrative has been written on my heart and I will continue the process of putting it through a pen so it can be shared and lived. I commit to writing and creatively exploring and expressing as God gives me inspiration and grace to unveil the extraordinary things that have happened here and those that will continue to happen. (in my mind that is a big, possibly semi-scary, commitment to make, so please read that with the weightiness of such a task... to honor people and their hearts, my audience, myself, & God, in giving voice...)



This is my last day in Cape Town, then to Joburg for a week, then back to the US.
Sorry this is so short, but must go to our final meeting and then pack into a kombi and sort through all the conflicting emotions that are trying to share space in my heart right now.

Thank you for your prayers, they have been answered! More to come...
keep praying though, the work is not done.

Read 2 back, then below

I've added 2 new posts today, so go to the right hand pannel and select
Preparing for and Entering Khalytshia
and then read the next one,
Wait. Did you hear that?



Additional notes:
transition into a colored community tomorrow
Wed a community memeber asked us for help bc he just discovered that an 11 year old boy was raping his 4 year old sister.
Khalytshia is beautiful and i truly enjoy being there.
i have more stoties and time to tell (right now at least)
singing momma's on the train from Khay into Cape Town from 5:00am to 7:00am = HEAVEN.


PRAYER REQUESTS:
More strategies & creativity
He is the GOD of this city
For teammates to have supernatural and undeniable encounters with God
For the Spirit's guidance in processing what I'm taking in
love love love love. grace. having God use me to help remove people's fear of punishment and shame. to usher them into relationship with God
Connecting w my new host family

Wait. Did you hear that?

We've been reading trauma narratives and talking about the importance of narratives and all they can cryptically communicate (...lllooooovveeee it! thought what was important for you to know before you read on).

This entry comes directly from my journal. I sat down on our day off and just started scribbling while in Cape Town and this is what came out.
This is rare- I'm inviting you in on the evolution of what will hopefully become a series of short stories from my time here. Usually I don't share the stories I write until after I've drafted several copies, re-ordered sections, actually completed them, polished them, worked on them for awhile, etc etc. SO, know this copied DIRECTLY from my journal without any edits (YET!).

This entry came on Monday afternoon after enter Khalytshia (see previous entry for more info) and being exposed to some crazy stuff. Things will definitely be taken out, added (like other sense and happy tones lol), etc but for now, welcome to what Anne Lammot calls a "shitty first draft" ;]




This blender of South Africa is as beautiful as it is confusing and today I'm learning to dance atop those sweet, sharp blades. Yesterday a woman followed us home, straight into the living room. It was awkward and clearly not right. But everyone moved forward, they even passed their little baby to this strange woman. She reveled in and revealed her wounded and wounding past. Parents dead. 3 kids. Lives alone. Left kids. 11 years HIV/AIDS positive. Suffering. Alcholism. Addicted to drugs. Thrives on killing herself at the local Shebeen. Numbing her pain one gulp at a time.

The women in my house asked if we had a problem with her being there. What does that mean? In 30 minutes, after entering the township only 90 minutes prior, the blend got cranked up! Then dance was foreign and accelerated, yet everyone knew the steps except me.

My senses became hyper-vigilant as I tried to follow their lead. Wait, she's drunk. Wait, they're allowing the 11 month old into her arms. Wait, they're feeding her. Wait, why are you telling me you left your kids and have AIDS? Wait, should I do something? Wait, someone help, I've lost sight of the lead. But wait, don't go, I don't want any problems. Wait, oh please wait!

Wait. Did you hear that? She awoke to the sound a husband's hand makes when it crashes into his wife's beautiful face. The wall doesn't go to the ceiling and one doesn't have to understand the township's mother-tongue to know what's happening between them. The closer the sun came to announcing a new day, the thicker the air became.

"Wait. Did you hear that?" I said to myself. I was on the kombi and had just explained that my Momma's sister had died a few days ago and I wanted to know what an appropriate show of care and condolence would be. These things vary between cultures, you know. She replied, "Shame..." a common response showing sadness, "Does she work for you?"

Wait. Did you hear that? Lean in closer and listen with your eyes. Do you hear that? I'm the only white woman inside a local SPAR in a township that was constructed as a resting place for black workers who service white homes kilometers away. It was formally established during Apartheid and now is considered an "informal settlement" consisting of found object homes.
Constructed of tin sheets and a piece of wood here and there, the homes sing. Each carries a different tune, which will vary by day, but the major chords from the Momma's organic community gardens clash violently with the minor chaos of the Shebeen and traditional healers of bad luck and small penises. The sounds multiply. They rise and fall with infinite complexity. Somehow harmony remains, even with 1,000 people being added each day.

Wait. Do you hear that? A momma, who I'd never seen before, just carried her grace and peace straight into my heart by crossing the street and approaching me with open arms and wrapping me up in an embrace. I didn't even see her until she was a couple meters away from me. Her hair was wrapped in the same material as her homemade dress. She carried a bag in her hand and the experiences of tragedy and joy on her face. I heard her heart, it sounded like the Father's, it said, "You are welcome here, this place I call home, and you are family to me. You've never seen this face, but you know Me, and I love you..."

Wait. Did you hear that? That man just said he was a pastor, then shook 2 of my friends' hands followed by a hug; but on the 3rd he shook her hand then grabbed her breast! Immediately, she pushed his hand away, looked down, and backed away while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Wait. Did you hear that? Erik Taylor, an Afrikaner policeman during Apartheid, said he and his co-workers were incredible Christians. I would have guessed it as sarcasm has I not seen his sincere face. But wait? How could that be? He, along with a regime of Nationalism and propaganda, murdered hundreds of thousands in order to "'remain pure' like the Israelites had to in order to maintain their covenant with God so they could be His chosen people".

Wait. Did you hear that? "Mnuguuu!!! MNUGUU!!!!" the little kids giggled and declared! "White people! White people" they billowed from inside a pickup bed that was sitting on the ground, acting more like kraal than hauling bed. It literally means "dirty white sea foam". We waved and smiled, not quiet sure what to do because we are, indeed, white as the sand that makes their floor at night. We are, indeed, white as the invaders that raped their land, women, and humanity a few hundred years ago. We are, indeed, white at the people who raided these sections two decades ago and splattered bullets across their beautiful homes when scared. We are, indeed, white. But I am not only white, I am also an American. A person who is a millionaire from another galaxy that owns a few mansions and support a government that helped fund the Apartheid National Party and once put Bible verses on the cover page of Pentagon and Presidential military briefings. But, I am, indeed, more than skin, money, status, and nationality.

Wait. Did you hear that? Its the sound of a blanket muffling a lover's weeping. Its sound is tenderness. Its the piercing cries of a lover. Of a bride on her knees who is lovesick for her Bridegroom's return.

But wait. Did you hear that? Its the sound of exploitation. A foreigner has just stood up in their tour bus and clicked a picture of the zoo animals that inhabit the brighlty painted, shinny tinned, but usually rusted found object homes of Khalytshia. Its as close as most white people get... 6 feet above and behind 3 inches of glass, gawking as if these were creatures to behold and stare at from a distance. The white locals' fear has infected these foreigns. The seed they planted has grown and the guilt and confusion this poor foreign feels will only reinforce the problem because when he gets home he'll write a check and support a buffer charity. A well-indented organization, but deeply flawed because it perpetuates a humanLESS exchange where facts and figures reign supreme. Step into the community, invite more into your heart.

But wait. Did you hear that? Its the heavy breath of a spirit expressed. Its the sigh of a full belly and a longing heart. "What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before your God." Micah 6:8 Give bread to those who are hungry. Give hunger for justice to those who have bread. Its the moan of my stomach when it changes place with my throat, causing my palms to become clammy and eyes moist. Its the battle cry of an EZER covered, in His blood, to rounding the Saints, listening to the instructions from the Lord of the Angel Armies who will do abundantly more than she asks. For His way is love and justice. Truth and Grace. There is freedom where He is and peace is His wake. She looks into His burning and tender eyes, He places His hand on her heart, and she joins with the saints in declaring, proclaiming, and bringing His kingdom. On earth as it is in Heaven. Battling with all the strength Hes given her and begging for more because she knows before the sun announced another new tomorrow thousands of women will begin their day with the branding mark of their husband's hand somewhere on their body.

Preparing for & Entering Khayelitsha

In this Intensive nearly everything happens FAST- we read books in a day or two, write papers in a couple days, swap families every 7 days, ride in crazy kombis, are exposed to things that break my heart and things that enlarge it to love and hope for more- it is nonstop. I feel like I'm constanly hyper-villigent to my surroundings bc I'm always picking up cues, sorting what's a cultural difference and what's danger, etc etc. So, we had last Monday afternoon off because we'd just transitioned from Langa into Khalyteshia the group needed a break, bad. I'm going to put a couple of my journal entries straigh on the blog because its raw, its real, and i don't have time to create something specifically for the blog. Like I said, things happen fast and we/I don't & can't control any of it- from housing to transportation to how much and what we eat.


Here are are some "facts" I was given before I moved out of Langa and into Khayletshia, hopefully this will give you a bit of context for the narratives entry.


19 June 2010

NOTES OF KHAYELITSHA
+ Population increased by ~ 1,000 people per day
+ 2.5 million people
+ Residents mostly from the Eastern Cape
+ More Found Object Homes
+ Less English profeciency
+ Longer commute time to Cape Town (90mins-ish) bc traffic
+ we stayed in Herare and did internships in community gardens, soup kitchens, and EduCare
+ Most whites will never enter this township
+ Established (pre-1994) as "housing" quarters outside white areas to service the suburbs
+ "Generation further back" that Langa
+ Were paired with a youth (HS age)
+ rotate roomates for 4th time
+ 5 minutes to transition between good-bye forever from Langa to hello new family in K

Helpful Xhosa Phrases
(spelled the way i hear them lol)
Molo= greetings/hello
Molowini= hello informal (or plurual?)
Enjohnie= how are you?
Enpeedelay= I am well
Engosie= thank you
Ayoba= cool/great

IMMEDIATE OBSERVATIONS UPON ENTERING:
Lots and lots of found object homes
sand
"Traditional Healers" for bad luck, lost lovers, and small pensises
Pro-Active Mommas
Internships
Poverty
No racial diversity
Found Object homes horizon to horizon
No luxuries- toliet seat, stove, indoor water, etc
Paved roads with curbs==>? government involvment
Xhosa speaking
Always tea & coffee
Dk Address
Steam bread


Haven't had much time to write, but have been diliegent in carving at least 20minutes 5 days a week. More on off days. The next blog entry will come straight from my journal...

moving + turbulence

I move into Khalytshia Sunday after going to church with my host family in Langa. I'll have approx 5 minutes to transition from saying goodbye to my Langa host family to hello to my Hereade host family... that will be challenging for me because I love deeply and the finiteness of these stays are challenging. Its helped me shift my perspective to viewing nearly every interaction as "sacred" but its still hard to almost always know nothing. I am constantly learning with what often seems like a vertical learning curve.

We're dealing with incredibly charged topics mainly revolving around politics and religion. These get heated! We had a team check-in the other afternoon because things are getting so intense that some team members have started altering their behaviours to cope with the things we're learning and going through. It is a very intense program, on multiple levels. After one of our class sessions one of our directors said, "You need to struggle with the turbulence of your feelings." Man, I tell you what, that is right on. Somedays its like an emotional rollercoaster and I have no idea how people who don't believe in Christ are able to process and deal with what we're learning and doing. They aren't going to reach over and "make us feel better" either, which is good because it allows us to go through the full PROCESS of everything. We can learn in and from our emotions... I am very fortunate to be led by directors who value and encourage that.

The biblical idea of the lion and the lamb laying next to each other was brought up the other day and I really enjoyed it because it one our directors used that example to illustrate how each person needs to be themselves, fully themselves, and still live in harmony. Granted, it was just an illustration point, I liked it.

Oh and SA does not have 1/2 the beans it takes to make Mom's Chili, but I improvised and it turned out well :D they'd never had chili, so that helped too, but it actually was a hit! My host family had also never had sour cream, which i add to individual bowls of chili, and they liked that too! We've been swapping recipes etc, so i'm ready to COOOOOOOK when i get back to AZ!!

I have to run because its my last night with my host family in Langa and its the shortest day of the year here in SA, so the sun is setting and I'm traveling solo and want to get back before nightfall. But here's the real reason I wanted to write today...



HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DAD! I love you and am proud to be your daughter :D thanks for the prayers and believing in me and how God's working in and through me!!!! I love you! Remember to open the card i left with yoU!

fragments

Howsit?

I don't have much time and i have about 8 billion things rolling around in my head, but here's a new notes:

People only participate/are listened to as much as they are valued
You will only listen to what you value

Art moves us from the mechanical
Long shadow of colonialism and poverty



Here are a few surface level updates:
seen my first troupe of wild baboons
seen the closest relative to the elephant, it looks like a cross between a cat and a beaver


The interior tension, living in the terrible beautiful, is more intense than anything I've ever experienced and we're only beginning


I now understand a bit more of what it means to be lovesick for Christ
Pray for God to give me new strategies, creativity, and imagination. His love never fails and He works EVERYthing out for our good.

I love the community in Langa
I played street soccer for hours yesterday after class... behind on my reading, but I have lots of friends now :] the Langa boys on Harlem street (where I'm staying) are great!!!

I'm cooking my mom's chili on Thursday :D its winter and can get damp + cold. Plus, South African's don't close windows or doors, they say it makes the room to stuffy and air stale. so, I usually wear at least 3 layers :] tea, chutney, and scarves are my new faves

The Spirit is doing some CRAZY things here, I'm simply going as directed and doing my best to love well as lead by my heart, not my head... in all things.

I'm learning a bit of Xhosa (sounds like k oa saa) and Afrikaans (its like Dutch, German, w a British accent lol), I'm tyring but I'm still really bad at languages lol signing anyone?

Bafana Bafana (the boys, they boys), SA name for their soccer team, is playing tonight, I'm in Cape Town, took the kombi in from Langa, the city can FEEL THE FEVER!! haha so fun!

I'm on my 2nd fountain pen refill and 1/4 way through my journal, so I'm writing quiet a bit these days, but don't have the time to select and share a piece right now. Maybe this wkend or nxt week if i get a day off to come to the internet cafe?



Thank you for your prayers and for commenting on my posts, it is VERY VERY encouraging to know people are praying for me and the group, especially as we engage in incredibly difficult issues. The other day I wrote and passionately cried out to God for a few hours, He truly is breaking my heart for His purposes and showing me how I can partner with Heaven... aligning my thoughts and dreams with His highest values and purposes! I am in love with my Beloved and He's igniting every bit of how He has created me as I process and journey. INTENSE.




Pray for God to give me new strategies, creativity, and imagination.

The Plunge

South Africa is truly a beautiful country. As seemingly contradictory as it may be at times I am REALLY REALLY REALLY enjoying my time here!

I want to give you an update from the last time, give you a few thoughts, and share one experience with you. (this experience is very fresh and i haven't had time to work with it, so know its raw and not in neat narrative form yet) Much more has happened, but this is all I can fit in right now.

UPDATES:
+ group dynamics are coming along nicely, especially after an exercises where we built a table from found objects... a charged, semi-chaotic, and great learning experience! much much more to that, but thank you for your prayers, the team is beginning to form because we are beginning to get to know one another

+ violence takes no imagination or creativity.
+ the more years we add, the more limits (shout out to Katrina for saying something similar to this before)
+ all the layers have meaning, even if we don't see them (Gordon, our director, in passing during a morning session)

Imagining what we're for. Dreaming, believing, and acting (as empowered by the Spirit) toward a future that is whole.



Two days ago we took "The Plunge". It is a day in Cape Town, Camps Bay, Herada (area of khayelitsha) that is completely self-directed. Teri & Gordon want us to feel agency. To begin our stay with curiosity, to be primal again by experiencing SA through our senses. We were split into teams of 3 and sent out to navigate all by ourselves. First we were dropped off somewhere in the city and had to ask for directions on how to get to our starting point. The purpose was to have us interact with all sorts of people, begin to form a mental map of the area, and have FUUUUUUN! We went to the city center and asked for directions to the GrandeKombi (a 17ish passenger, rickety van-like vehicle) to khayelitsha. We asked a man standing near a taxi in the city center. He repeatedly asked where we were going to ensure he heard us correctly. We repeatedly have teh same response. Still, though, he didn't point us in a direction; rather, he asked us what country we were from. Hesitantly, "The United States", I answered. By now another black man has come up and they both started laughing. I assumed it was because I was white and asking for directions to a Kombi to catch a ride into the townships. The two men replied by informing us that were white foreigners/tourists and that we shouldn't be going there.

We pressed the question and they replied by saying we should take a taxi because it wasn't safe. Convenient, i thought, of course you'd want me to take a taxi... you're the taxi driver! He continued, "I don't say this because I drive taxi. You don't have to take mine." The first man butted in, "You are white Americans, they will take advantage of you. You are not from here, I was born here, I know. It is not safe. You need a guide. Take a taxi." The 2nd man butted in again with more mocking laughter. "They are all dark skinned!!!!"

"Okay." I plainly replied with a shrug.

"OOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Look at you," glaring at Chris' white nikes, "You'll all go home bare foot! Then he touched my raincoat and said, "Oh and your nice coat, they'll strip that right off you!!!"

"Okay, I understand and I trust you are telling me the truth," I said with complete sincerity, "But which way to the Kombis? We're going to Herede."

The first man began again, "They'll steal everything you have"
"Yeah," the 2nd man started in, "Go leave all your belongings in the hotel."
"Don't go." the 1st man repeated.

So here we are, 3 obviously white foreigners, being persuaded by 2 black locals to avoid HeredeKombis ti takes to get there at all costs!

"Thank you for your concern, sir." I say as we back away to exit what is becoming a disagreement. Finally, he points down the pedestrian street behind us, "Follow this all the way down and take a left." The end of his sentence screamed YOU STUPID, FOOLISH AMERICANS! YOU'RE IGNORANT AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO!!

We thanked him as we turned to walk down the path. One of the other two began expressing his anxiety about the situation we were putting ourselves in, so I tried to calm him by telling him I was carrying pepper spray (as recommended by a local), but that I didn't think we'd need it. Well, I sorta tried to ease his fears because not 50 yards later I told him how screw drivers and ice pics were the weapons of choice down here because their ease of use and depth of impact. I reminded him of my favorite risky situation line, "Don't be scared but don't be stupid."

We wound our way around to the crazy Kombi lines at the Grande Parade adn navigated our way to a Kombi to Herede. Kombi's are like buses, in that you pay a flat fee; are like ballpark baseball dogs, in that you pass your money up and change back; and are like pickle jars in that you're PACKED tight! Every single person was black. I tried to sit next to a local and have a conversation, but the woman didn't seem interested. I tried to initiate a conversation by asking, "How are you today," but it didn't work. Twelve to fifteen minutes into the trip she began to nod off and in her relaxed state she would occasionally lean back and touch my shoulder with hers. When his happened she immediately jerked forward. I wanted so badly to tell her its okay for her to rest on my shoulder, or to gently place my hand on her shoulder and direct it backwards towards mine. I wanted her to know that I'm a friend (or at least not a meanie), that she doesn't have to flinch away from me. But I didn't because I didn't want to wake her up or cross come cultural barrier that I didn't know existed. We rode on, occasionally touching shoulders, but never for long.

Eventually, she got out and the rest of the Kombi exited, but we were still riding. Oops! Unlike the US there are no "stops" its just get out wherever you want (sidenote: like today for instance, Spencer and I got dropped off on the highway between and entrance and exit ramp on a highway junction/round-a-bout! LOL we looked at each other, like uhhhh, how do we get out of here alive? lol real life frogger i guess lol) So we were the only ones remaining and the driver asked and helped us get things sorted out, we had actually passed where we wanted to go. Fast forward a bit (for times sake bc i dont have that much long at the Internet cafe) and we were walking through the township. The miles of "found object homes", beautiful as could be, as contradictory as could be (for historical reasons). These men, women, and children were absolutely kind and welcoming to us.

We had to walk into a "store" and try to find a specific item, and I must say that is the first time I have ever been 'triple glanced' at. I did not feel threatened but it was as if the half the store looked up and asked, "What are you doing here?????" Another group experienced a person say, "What the fuck is going on?" As if it took some big reason for a white person to enter the township. Another group also had a woman take them by the hand, lead them through the maze of "streets" and introduce them to her family. She literally dropped everything she was doing and showed them around. She gave them lunch, although she had none of her own, and said hi to everyone on her way. Now, does this sound like the savage, villains we'd been warned about earlier? Not one person lurked behind us, or even tried to pedal us for money. Not one person. Rather, they took our hand and invited us in. They made sure we got to where we needed to go. They spoke with other drivers for us to make sure we were going the right way (granted, it was while he was driving and put it his head out the window to talk to the other driver who had hence stuck his head out the window and removed their eyes from the road, but hey, it worked! lol) It has been said khayelitsha is not visible until a white person comes there. ... heartbreaking...

I am most excited about our relocation into Khayelitsha.








Tomorrow, weather permitting, we will hike Table Mountain.
Wkend= farm stay & briaa
6+ wks to follow = Langa & K
4 days back in CT
(then to Joburg! oh and for those who are waiting to hear, I don't have that ticket yet, I'll let you know ASAP)





Thank you for your prayers, please continue with these requests & praises:
!+ good team bonding, to increase on farm stay
!+ expanding, deepening, and softening my heart (and the groups)
!+ I've been commissioned to collect and write our group's narrative, both individual and as whole!!!!
+ fresh ways to communicate
+ for a conversation with our B&B owners about who Christ is to them
+ to engage in and enjoy the PROCESS, both mine and others
+ to value people by really listening well
+ for more
God is ROCKING my world and speaking to me on nearly (if not every) level of my life :D LOOOOOOVE HIM!



no time to spellcheck, so sorry. hugs & prayers, much love :] its wonderful here! Parade, where we would catch a and the

jet lag & home

Hello!

After a 5.5 hour train ride from Boston to a 3 hour wait at a JFK ticketing counter to a 15 hour plane ride to Joburg to another 2 hour flight to Cape Town we're finally here! I must admit, it still doesn't seem quiet real, but as the jet lag wears off i think I will LOVE this place.

Today we met our 2nd director, Gordon, for the first time :] He is deep waters and a tender and brilliant man, I am excited to learn from him! We then loaded up the vans and drove into the city to where we will be staying for the next 2 wks, a B&B blocks away from the city center. After a much needed shower and change of clothes we all met and walked around the city, Gordon and Teri helping orient us so we could build a mental map. It was foggy today, so we didn't see Table Mt just yet, but tomorrow I'm hoping! On the way from teh airport i saw my first "Found Object Homes" aka tin shacks... broke my heart, I am most excited to relocate into Kayletshia.

Anyway, I've got to go its late and im very tired, but just wanted to let you know that we made it safely and its actually happening!!

Oh, but one more thing! We went to a cathedral and walked a labyrinth to give us an example of a mystery and embracing the "process" of everything. It was a great way to start it and relax us. When i got to the center of the labyrinth i prayed for awhile and eventually got up to work my way out, but when i looked up i saw a sign on a skyscraper that said "I call this place home". That was very meaningful to me because of how I was reflecting with God, my heart, and all that's to come! More to follow on that...

JFK

just a quick note before i leave the US

I've had a lovely few days in Boston with a dear friend! So refreshing and relaxing, I am a blessed woman :D In a few hours I'll be catching a train to NY and shuttling to JFK for my departure to Cape Town!!!

I'm still not able to comprehend that I'll be gone for 2 (quick/long) months, but either way, its happening very soon.

I'll be putting a couple prayer requests in each blog post from now on so here's to start us off:

+ Unity among the team

+ Safe travels

+ Preparing my heart

Thanks and the next post will come from Cape Town!

3 pages in

Last week I began reading one of our assigned articles and boooooooooooy I tell you what, I was already getting a burst of adrenaline. My understanding of political deviance and the law, psychology, Christian theology, motivating factors, and Jesus' practices were coming into conflict a mere 3 pages into my first assigned reading.

The article was previewing common elements of retributive and restorative justice systems- one vengeance oriented, the other forgiveness oriented. The author gives broad points to the principles of each system and acknowledges that they are polar opposites. I enjoyed the reading, although parts were very frustrating because I disagreed with the method the discussion was approached with and the author's implicit claims, it was a very good piece to wet our lips with in preparation for what we're about to jump into.

The author explicitly mentions pieces of the Christian doctrine as the driving force behind some of these decisions, etc. And seeing as how I am a follower of Christ, I was excited to see forgiveness being spoken of as a legitimate consideration. However, what I was upset by were the sneaky, subtle changes in the author's operational definition of forgiveness. During sections he was speaking specifically about Christian doctrine, which is when these questions (along with others) came to mind.

I mean these in a very respectful and open-minded manner, I would like multiple view points- the more diversity in response the better. These questions originate out of dealings with institutional and individual responses to collective violence, like apartheid & genocide, and I would like to keep the discussion in that realm. I realize that not everyone holds the same world view I do, that learning is a process, and that I like engaging in discussion... so please reply with your thoughts.

• Is there condemnation for those not in Christ?
• How have you seen condemnation used?
• Is condemnation ever justified?

• Is reconciliation between people possible without reconciliation to God first?
• Why and what are the implications if your selected order is reversed?

• Fairness, in a Kingdom view, = grace. How would this perspective be implemented into the world's judicial systems considering their "fair" is getting what you deserve.
• (a much more fun question would ask you to take this gospel-centered perspective to a personal, every situation, level.)

• How do accountability and repentance operate when a non-believer is the person extending forgiveness? Can it be genuine since they haven't truly received it therefore can't give it? Then again, people can only be held accountable for what they know.
• Can a non-believer truly forgive? Why?

• For what reasons would it be unwise to be transparent, acknowledge wrong, and ask for forgiveness? Why?

• In what ways can I/YOU partner with Heaven?

• Considering each person has innate worth, value, and belonging, how can I support long-lasting, healthy, and beneficial interdependence in my community?

• What would it cost to be process-oriented?

Please share your opinion with me, I'd truly enjoy to hear what you think and why!

My heart has sounded its horn and rounded up the troops to use my mind as a tool for the righteousness and justice of Christ. Be it individual or collective.

There is no going back.

the beginning is only days away (although in many ways it has already started). It seems as though the days are speeding up. I leave for the East Coast on Sunday afternoon and I depart for South Africa on Thursday morning!

more to come :]

Hello there :]

Hello there,

In exactly one month I will be landing in Cape Town, South Africa to begin what I'm certain will be a transformative experience! I have created this blog to be a space where you can get updates on how and what I'm doing in relation to my study abroad in South Africa (aka. "Intensive"). I wanted to do this because we are used to an "instant access" culture where we expect immediate replies to our texts, calls, emails, etc, but during this summer I will not have that capability. I am not taking my laptop or phone to Africa and will only have internet access every 7+ days, so this will be the best way to stay informed and keep in touch during the next few months.

I only have 2 months in South Africa and I want heed the advice my 10th grade history teacher gave me when he said, "Be where you are". Thus, I want to be WHOLLY invested in where I am and part of doing so is (considering you by) laying the expectation that I will be unavailable from June- early August. However, I will be posting updates, reflections, photos, stories, etc etc etc every 7-ish days, so return here weekly and stay involved with my experiences on the Intensive through commenting on my posts. I won't be able to reply to individual emails/comments/etc, but I WILL read them and truly value your feedback= please comment because I would love to hear from you :]

Throughout this entire experience I want to be as honest as possible, so I will be posting reflections, controversial writings, prayer requests, personal "processings", and various other tid-bits... so ... if you're ready for a wild ride.... I invite you to join me over the next 3-4 months as a prepare for, engage in, and debrief about the Intensive!

Grace and peace,

Hannah :]