Tempe, Arizona, USA
A wise and free man recently coined the term "complexicated". What is it? I'll define it in a simile.
The meaning of shalom is to the word peace as the meaning of complexicated is to the words complex and complicated.
Peace building is not tidy and it does not follow a straight path. It is rarely quick and never painless. To pursue peace building, reconciliation, forgiveness, and/or shalom is to purposefully place yourself in a state of unconditional surrender to the will and nature of Christ, it is to have a "yes" in your heart, and a tender confidence about your acts of love. It is to respond to the heart of the Father and the thoughts He has of you, so you might lead an uncanny life of love and grace, repentance and compassion, of faith in action.
I am writing on this because my time in South Africa continues to impact the way I think and act, especially in moments like these.
Currently, I have the opportunity to practice what was demonstrated to me in South Africa about coming to the table, the posturing of our hearts and humility of our minds when honorably engaging confrontation, the ways and foundation of facilitation, how salient and healing the truth is, the importance of being quick to listen and seek understanding, why/how to creatively approach concepts, etc. These were some of the concepts we dove into and got stuck in while I was in South Africa and they continue to impact my thinking and actions. So much of my heart and character have been revealed and refined over the past nine months, especially the past 5ish, and I am forever grateful that my journey intertwined with such remarkable and compassionate people.
I am deeply grateful for the example Teri & Gordon displayed by showing me what healthy communication can look like and making space for all views, those lessons have been so helpful... as many things have come very fast and as a giant surprise the past few days. There is much to say and many details I have not mentioned, but re-hashing details is not why I'm writing, I am writing to encourage and express my gratitude for my Directors' lives and sacrifices, and to openly express my admiration of their personalities, uncommon lives, and creative giftings. To give real life testimony to the impact they had on me and the way God has used them in my life to encourage, challenge, and spur me on.
The spurring and transformation of my mind have finally arrived at a place where those lessons can be carried out in a significant manner. This opportunity has come as a result of the trouble I am having in processing some community leaders behaviors and what they show value for. My heart is tender and broken right now. So much is happening and it all seems so unjust and broken. I am deeply grieved, saddened, & hurt. Yet hopeful and certain of the goodness of God. This is a place of such wretched tension and glorious demand, of shalom for the beloved. I believe humans are my family and my opposition is in the spiritual realm, so grace is abounding. I am praying to discern God's voice, receive His love, repent completely, and stand dressed and ready in the full armor Knowing His love for me & delight in me. God is shalom and chesed, may I know Him as such.
Please watch the following clip and consider this perspective prior to continuing:
I watched that clip about 5 minutes ago and wanted to share it with you ;]
In light of the lessons that have settled deep in my heart from South Africa and my desire to honor and demonstrate Abba's heart in my conduct, especially when attempting to engage in confrontation from a Kingdom perspective, I would like to share some of my first thoughts about entering conflict.
My Preliminary
Thoughts on Personal Preparation for Mediation & Conflict Facilitation:
1. Know yourself and your core values2. Examine and weigh the true motive behind your anticipated/desired actions3. Seek to add value to, edify, exhort, and empower people. Treat everyone in-line with how God views them (remember, Christ already took our punishment)4. Be process oriented. Extend an invitation to dialogue and reach understanding5. ALWAYS conduct yourself in a way that is consistent with #16. Be 100% yourself and accept the others as well7. Recognize the origin of the "problem" and approach with tenderness and confidence8. Engage fully, be transparent, seek truth and reconciliation9. "Set the table" by creating an atmosphere of GRACE where safety (and, if possible, trust) is the priority10. Align your heart with God's and soak it all in prayer
Ideally, all of those would be worked though PRIOR to engaging with conflict, but we act out of the overflow of our hearts, so hopefully we are becoming a people with pure hearts and overwhelming love.
I truly desire to be a peace-maker as empowered by the Holy Spirit, to call forth the greatness in people and glorify God through it, to kneel with grace, rise among the saints, and be a conduit for healing to touch earth from our holistic Lord. I know this process must soaked in prayer and saturated with the goodness and mercy of God, so keep that in mind, as I have assumed that to be understood. This perspective is relatively new to me, but as my value for wholeness and shalom increase, I am trying to navigate my way through life in such a way that I become my message.
OFFER WISDOM:
I am young and an idealist, but there is an innocence about youth that is beautiful and blinding, so what are you thoughts on how to approach conflict? In your opinion, what is the desired posturing of a heart when in the hea(r)t of a moment? Why?
There are zillion scriptures that come to mind with this topic (conflict, shalom, forgiveness, justice, personal ownership, etc), but which one(s) do you draw from?
Thoughts on the video clip?
I would like to hear and weigh any advice you might have for me as I make a life of truth seeking, facilitation, healing, and next steps. If you have advice from your experiences, would you please share some with me/us?
Words are powerful, but actions are revealing.
7 comments:
I don't know the whole story, and I acknowledge the power of your experience in SA as beyond anything I have yet to experience, but because you asked:
I'm assuming you've already prayed for the people involved and are continuing to do so. If not, don't even bother.
One bullet point you can add to your list: Humility. You are not the savior here.
There is a story of two monks who lived together in peace for many years. One day a demon sought to cause them conflict. He sent them a bird that appeared to one as a dove and to the other as a crow. One brother said to the other, "What a beautiful dove!" And the other argued, "I see a crow." The two quarreled so much about it that they parted each other's company. Years later they returned laughing at how silly of a matter it was, embraced, and thanked God they had been returned to each other's company.
The point? Be prepared to let it happen. The resolve may never be known to you.
I'm assuming your comment about your opposition coming from "the spiritual realm" to mean... demons? evil? the devil? I would agree. Creating discord among those preparing the world for the Kingdom, well that's what they do.
In #3, of what "punishment" do you speak? Who punished Christ? Surely you don't mean God, His Father? The One who is by His very nature Love? The same Father who is Creator of all and Who loves His creation the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow? God doesn't Love us because He whacked Jesus in our place. He loves us because He is by nature incapable of doing anything BUT love us. (This is of course a greater conversation for another time.)
Love and peace.
I read this last night, but I took #4 into account before posting my comment (processing) ;).
Favorite quotes from the video:
“Whenever we move into new territory, the first people to attack before Goliath ever taunts us, our brothers meet us first. Friendly fire takes out more people than the enemy does. WE HAVE TO TRUST PEOPLE’S HEARTS.”
“There’s something about loving people because they are made in the image of God.
We need to see people not as they are but as God sees them.”
Daniel Loved Nebby, who killed Daniel’s family and tried to kill Daniel. This is the kind of response that I see you taking, and I pray that the Lord gives you an extraordinary love for the people that have hurt you.
“In denominationalism, we don’t have permission to have a relationship with someone who disagrees with us.” I see you as someone who wants to have relationship with people that disagree with you. It is my experience that people do not like to be around things/people they don’t understand therefore I think it is even more important to engage in potentially hostile confrontation after examining your own heart.
This truly does need to be soaked in prayer (#10). That really is the only response because....
“our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places” Ephesians 6:12
Not that this is easy. It truly is a struggle like the verse says, especially if a person’s mind is not submitting to the Spirit.
“For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace” Romans 8:5-6
I think this verse can be added to your points. I think that the mind set on the flesh will do the opposite of your points, and the mind set on the spirit would follow what you have laid out here. I think your points bring life and peace, and that is what the mind set on the Spirit does, so yay! Your mind is set on the Spirit!
I see your humility as you view this as an opportunity to honor all people, especially the ones who have hurt you. That is the Spirit of Jesus.
This is my thought on the punishment question:
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.” Romans 5:8-9
Jesus definitely took the wrath of the Father, which we deserved (For the wages of sin is death...meaning we earned it), and took it upon Himself. All wrath and punishment that resulted from the curse in Genesis 3 was received and finished once and for all on the cross.
Love...is the answer you seek and what you are commanded to do. Love your brothers in Christ, love your neighbors, love those who cause you tears...for without such love you too are of this world. Seek reconciliation not confrontation...
Col 2:4-22
4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Spiritual Fullness in Christ
6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces[a] of this world rather than on Christ.
9 For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, 10 and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. 11 In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh[b] was put off when you were circumcised by[c] Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.
13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you[d] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[e]
Freedom From Human Rules
16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. 18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. 19 They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.
20 Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: 21 “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? 22 These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. 23 Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Col 3:15-17
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Love you daughter
As always, Kris V. challenges, gives fresh insight, and is able to step outside church culture, assess it, and bring loving, biblical paradigms for life. Thank you for sharing the video - it fit so well with what you were writing about.
In the past, I was about as non-confrontational as you could get. So, seeing your blog entry and the invitation to "offer wisdom", I had a little moment of realizing where God has brought me from and where he wants to take me. I believe the way we choose to deal with confrontation, like basically everything else, comes out of our identity (or perhaps I should say our perceived identity?). Hopefully, conflict resolution and reconciliation is a transforming process in which the Holy Spirit drives all those involved into a deeper realization of their identity in Christ and how that influences their relationship with God and others.
Here are some passages that came to mind as I was reading the other comments. They are all from Proverbs, which leads me to believe that there are many other gold nuggets concerning conflict resolution within Proverbs:
"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly." - Prv 14:29
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." - Prv 15:1
"When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him."
- Prv 16:7
When I approach conflict my main goal is to get as close to the root issue of the "problem" as possible. This requires a lot of patience, really good listening skills, and the ability to not only internally understand what the other(s) is saying, but I have found it absolutely necessary to communicate your understanding of the other(s) externally. People are more willing to share their views, hurts, etc. when they see genuine compassion and when they are known (hence, letting them know you understand). Such ability must come out of Jesus' love and compassion. This reminds me of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
It appears from this passage, that unless we are comforted by God, we are unable to comfort others. This runs parallel with God's love as well. It seems it is hard to give any more love than the amount we have let in from God. I guess that means we must receive before we can give anything of value.
Knowing the problem and having the ability to solve it are very distinct. Yet, we must know the core problem we are addressing, otherwise we will spend fruitless hours addressing secondary woes stemming from the root issue.
Those are some initial thoughts. I might post additional thoughts as I continue to ponder your very rich post. I feel like I just ate a decadent piece of cheesecake with raspberries on top.
I can't embed a video here, but this is a video response: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGhQgCEerKU
I think all of these comments offer great insight to a great post. From personal experience with conflict, particularly in a relationship that evoked strong emotions from within my own heart (anger, frustration, even hatred). I found solace in being slow to speak so that I didn't just spew out of my mouth everything that was running through my heart. In taking some time to pause and reflect before responding to/communicating with that person, I was able to spiritually breathe (inhale the things of the Lord & exhale my own sin). In doing so, I could come back to that person with a loving perspective. This process took place thousands of times over the course of several years as the Lord worked in my heart to bring me to a place where I became more mature as a believer. I am blessed to say that I now love that person deeply and in doing so, have seen the Lord cover over a multitude of sins...most of which were mine.
Finally I come to comment, I'm sorry it has taken me so long friend.
The remarks in the video that evoked the most thoughts for me were the ones dealing with denominationalism. Indeed this concept leads to tragically broken or altogether avoided relationships within the body, but even as I think about it, this problem has reaches far beyond the church and infiltrated everywhere (not that it justifies it in the church, just that we battle it in relationships everywhere). No matter where you go for your news, we live in a society of polarization and othering and I hate it but participate in it myself. The question "How can I keep with and love people I don't agree with?" is haunting, I know I don't do it well. For me, I think I write this off a lot of times as something that is impossible. I know isn't, but it's so much easier to avoid these relationships than to seek reconciliation in them. Nearly all the steps you listed (which I love) require knowing yourself while dying to self. Even though the ultimate outcome will be beautiful, the process will be painful.
One scripture that has been swirling through my mind a lot lately, is 2 Cor 2:10-11 "Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." When we withhold forgiveness and don't seek reconciliation we are letting Satan outwit us, we have taken up scales over our eyes and chosen not to see others in the sight of Christ, but in our own selfishness.
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